Two Weeks with Dad

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After 22 years, I was finally able to spend time with my father in my favorite place to live, Vancouver. It was necessary for me to raise my children in Ontario. But my longing for Vancouver and my father never left me.

I lived in Vancouver from age 26 to 33 with my father living close by. We spent lots of time together and apart. But for me, having him close was amazing. My time living in Vancouver was the most challenging time and the most exciting. No matter what occurred I went for a walk to the ocean and everything shifted, almost instantly. There is something about the mountains and the ocean that feels like home to me. Energetically the city is different, it’s not something I can fully explain, but it is real for me, after 22 years it was still the same.

Spending every day for two weeks with Burt was an enlightening experience. To be in the presence of someone who loved me unconditionally, who gave me his full attention, appreciation and was completely present and fully open with me, this was a very new experience for me.

I see now as I look back after 2 weeks of being home, I see that being in his presence, full presence was like being my highest self all the time. The comfort I felt to be myself was so refreshing, I can see that I haven’t given myself permission to be myself all the time. Yes, it was easy with Burt, to be me, to see my beautiful and amazing refection in his eyes, but now it’s time for me to remember the feeling of ‘me’ and be it no matter what is happening ‘out-side’ of me. He didn’t ‘do’ anything, he was simply being and it was that beingness that allowed me to BE as well. As I write I find there are no words really.

In this moment, I imagine the feelings I felt in his presence, I felt excitement, peace, joy, love, stillness, clarity and most of all LOVE. As I look at the words to describe my feelings, they in essence are all LOVE.  But if I said “my father made me feel loved” the response from most people would say; of course, he is your father, he loves you. But no, it’s so much more than that.

I spend time with a Guru in the late 80’s, her name is Gurumayi Chidvilasanda, she used to say; It’s easy here at the Ashram, now go out into the world and be it out there…I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. The feeling I got from Gurumayi, wasn’t always pleasant, because whatever I was feeling was amplified, if I was angry, I couldn’t hold it in like I used to think I could do, if I was sad, same thing and so on. Her presence, her alignment with the creator/life force/source/god, created a force so powerful that one could not escape it. That’s the way I felt with Burt. On the outside, he was just Burt, but the feeling that swirled around and through me was, were ineffable. All I can say to this is I felt ‘allowed’ to be me and I love that me in his presence.

One of the many things I learned is that being present, or aligning with spirit/higher self/source/great mystery/god is an expanded state, our natural state. So, when we are ‘there’ we are everywhere and with everyone. We don’t judge ourselves, or others. We love ourselves fully and love other’s too. We see god in everything. Swami Muktananda, Gurumayi’s Guru, said; ‘God dwells in you as you’.  When I see that statement again, I see that  it truly says it all. We as humans on this planet for the most part, feel that ‘god’ is this grand thing, beyond our grasp, when in actuality, we are God/Life Force/Source. The intelligence of life, the flow of nature and the universe; we are part of it all.

This human experience is simply that, the experience we came to have. I have written about this before and most likely will write about it again and again. Because as I grow into this knowing more and more, I feel more excited to share it!

When I was very young my father came home to an empty apartment, no wife, no kids and no stuff. All his life at the time was gone, my mother left him. As you can imagine it was devastating for him. But knowing this today, I can see that if she had not left him, he would not be the amazing man he is today. He has helped so many people all over the world and he dedicates his life to doing just that. Because as he discovers more about the truth, he feels compelled to share it.

After my mother left my father he was later told to stay away. As a young girl, I was very confused and so, so sad. A new ‘father’ came into my life and he took my virginity away at the age of 9. While this was happening, I had my first spiritual experience, I left my body and danced with God. I was completely removed from the situation while it was happening. I knew that this wasn’t right, but somehow I also knew, it was just an experience. I know that sounds weird, but when I go back to that time I feel the truth in that. Why did this happen to a little girl? Why is not a question I want to ask here. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to be in my head at all. When I go in my heart, I realize that who I am today is a summation of all my experiences, this intelligent universe and my soul created whatever it took for me to become me today. So, would I change anything? NO!! I have learned over the years that I really don’t know anything; my limited mind could never fathom the incredible magnificence of this life.

At 17 years of age I left home, and began the journey of self discovery, with my beautiful mother’s blessing. She somehow knew that is what I needed. She told me when I was young that I was a free spirit and I took that to heart. A few years later I met my father again. What an amazing experience. I discovered we are so alike, passions,  body and mannerisms. He opened a whole new world to me. Yoga, meditation, A Course In Miracles, healthy eating, the power of the mind and so much more. After a few years, I discovered that in the early 80’s there wasn’t much out there as far as spirituality goes, so I felt a bit lost. As the free spirit that I was I explored other parts of life; sex, drugs and rock & roll. When the universe thought that that was enough, or my soul decided it was enough, I had a serious car accident, there were 5 people in the car, the car flipped over in Banff on black ice. I was the only one hurt badly, both my scapulae were fractured and my lung punctured. I remember that as I sit in the snow after climbing out of the car the pain was so intense and I couldn’t breathe at first. Then I could and there was no more pain.  I realized now that I died. I don’t know for how long, but I remember the feeling. After all these years I am only talking about this lately because now I have a point of reference. The feeling I felt was God. Quiet like I have never ‘heard’ before. I was aware at first of the sounds around me, but they seemed so far away, even though it was all around me. Then all sound disappeared, as I type this I am feeling it again, how do I describe a feeling of bliss? A feeling I can call upon anytime I want. When I meditate I am there again. When I remember it, I am there again. No body, no pain, no suffering, no sadness, no fear, no nothing…..but stillness, peace and I guess I can describe it as LOVE, which is my favorite word for God. Then a face appeared of a man who had dark skin, he spoke to me. He told me I was dying, and that I had a decision to make, he didn’t tell me what to do, he just reminded me I had a choice.

After that experience my whole life changed. I met a woman who became a dear friend and she introduced me to Gurumayi Chidvilasanda and chanting. As I learned more about this Guru, I learned her Guru was Swami Muktanada, as I looked at his face in a photograph, I realized I knew him already, he was the man who came to me when I died.

Back on the spiritual path I went. Did I ever leave? I don’t think so, I believe that absolutely every experience is given to us so we may fulfill our destiny. What is my destiny? Heck, I don’t know. I just know when I write or talk about what I am learning, I feel fulfilled. Is that my destiny? I don’t need to put labels on anything, well that is what I am learning. I do still judge, but I am okay with that, I love that about my humanness, and somehow that acceptance of myself shifts the judgement.

Seven years after my car accident I met the man who would be my husband and father of my first child. He lived in Ontario, my mother and sister too. So, I moved back to Ontario, leaving my beloved father  and my cherished city.

Our two weeks together has helped me grow so much, and made our bond stronger than ever. We made videos to share with others the things we talked about, things we have learned along the way and that we would love for others to explore themselves.

I do sometimes, have that longing I had when I was a kid, to have my Daddy back. But now I can talk to that longing and say, “I am exactly where I am supposed to be, because if I wasn’t meant to be here, I wouldn’t be. The human mind will try to justify and bring me back to that sad longing, but it isn’t sad for me any more. It’s uplifting and inspirational. It’s heart expanding and an amazing reminder that we are not apart, our spirit will always be connected.

 

 

 

Broken Heart, Open Heart

 

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It’s all perspective

Falling in love last year after 11 years being single, was an amazing experience. I didn’t know I had the capacity to love so much.  My heart just kept on opening, and each time I was with him I couldn’t believe that I loved him even more.

Now my heart is broken, I literally have a physical pain in my chest.  I find that so interesting.  As I contemplated this sensation, I realized that my heart was open, I mean REALLY open.  This is wonderful! Yes, I still grieve the loss of the relationship, however what I am grieving is the potential of what I thought it could be.

What I didn’t realize is that what actually happened is I learned to love again. I learned I can love more than I ever thought possible.  So I allow the grief, in gratitude of the amazing love I experienced. I feel more connected to me, I feel more aligned with God, and I feel like a better person because of it.

There was a time in my life, when I got hurt, I closed off and it created havoc and disease in my life. It hurt so much I didn’t want to experience pain again. Now I don’t exactly welcome the hurt, but I see it so differently. I see it as the whole reason I am here in this human suit, to love as much as possible, all the time.

I am here to love.  Period. I am the love I want to see in the world. I completely believe what the amazing John Lennon said: “All you need is love”.  I will take it further to say, all we ARE is love….all we are is love!

Because of this devastating heartbreak, I am more open than I ever was, and I am actually excited for what the future holds. Now I know that the more I love, the more I can love!!

BE the love you want to see in the world

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Love IS….

It’s always present

It’s unlimited, eternal & infinite

Love lies within

When we love ourselves with no rules or conditions- purely and openly, we will be able love all of life.

Life is LOVE

When we appreciate everything in our lives, we can love.

Appreciation opens up the gates of love.

When I see you in the light of appreciation, my heart opens and divine love expands.

Looking with the eyes of love we see the beauty we have come here to experience.

Appreciation is the experience of love and love is the experience of the essence of you.

Love IS the quintessential experience of life. When we are able to open up to let the love flow we are truly living.

As we see life with love we expand our view, we are able to see beyond the veil that has been blurring our view for so long.

Allow the love within to clear the fog, to shed the light in your vision of this magnificent life.

As you look into the world with love, you see with clarity what life was meant to be; fully experienced with all its diversity. As you see love all around, those around you will also experience love. As your ability to love grows so does the light in the world.

 

In Divine Love;

Debra

 

Love

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Over the years as I grow more and more into loving myself, I have noticed that the word ‘love’ is very watered down these days. At the same time it’s a great thing to hear so many people saying ‘I love you’ to each other, it’s amazing actually.

LOVE is a feeling, a concept, a gift, a gesture, all powerful, transformational, it’s divine~ LOVE is the force of all life. Remembering that one fact gives me a sense of peace.

If love is the driving force, then everything is as it should be right? I am love, you are love, the trees are love and so on. So why don’t we feel this love all the time?

Just because we don’t feel it doesn’t mean it’s not there it simply means we don’t feel it.  Awareness is the key. When we tune into the universal flow of life we feel the driving force of love.

Being a teacher of Reiki for over a decade has taught me that love is ever present, all I have to do is tune in to it. We also must remember the fundamental fact that we are part of this driving force of the universe, so if we don’t feel love, we are the ones separating ourselves from the divine energy. We really do have the power to turn it on and off.

Loving one’s self is about awareness, this is how we feel the flow of this amazing life. Being aware is about being present; paying attention to this moment brings us to the divine flow of life/LOVE.

 

 

 

The Gift of NOW

“Perpetual Consciousness is closer than the breath, closer than the heartbeat-it underlies and permeates everything, everywhere, at all times. “ By MSI from the book: First Thunder, An Adventure of Discovery

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As I look at the connection of all things, I see the magical beauty in this universe. So often we hear the words, Oneness, unity, connectedness. But do we truly know what that implies? It actually means absolutely everything, everything…all things are ONE. This is one of those things that the mind/ego cannot comprehend. Through meditation however, through sitting in the heart, this kind of perspective feels natural and real.

So, if absolutely everything is connected it doesn’t mean that ‘well yes, I see how this and this is connected but that can’t be, it’s too horrible’. This is a concept that isn’t clarified totally by thought, it is felt through beingness and heart centred thought, meaning; allowing the heart to show us how it is. This is not in words, it is truly ineffable. But I am giving it a good shot here to explain even a little part of this truth I have come to experience. If ‘it’s too horrible’ to us then we are judging, we are resisting what is. It’s so interesting when looked at energetically; resisting the NOW is simply resisting period. In resistance our energy field is contracted and our ‘vision’ impaired. In the present moment our energy is expanded and all possibilities are in our view. In our expanded state we can see how interwoven every little thing is. So many of the people that come to me for sessions and classes express their excitement as they relay their awareness of all the synchronicities they have discovered in their life. That is just the beginning! The more aware we become the more we want to stay present because this sense of now feels like home and so blissful no matter what is happening. Yup, no matter what! Even in a tragic moment, presence brings us clarity and peace. Accepting what is, is empowering. We can still have emotion in the moment, but it’s a flow rather than a resistance. As a matter of fact the ‘tragic’ situation, isn’t tragic, it simply is what is.

I can understand how this perspective can feel too ‘out there’ but with mindfulness practices and meditation, the stillness shows us the essence of life that cannot be comprehended intellectually. It is only through embracing our true nature can we see beyond the human concepts and enjoy this life the way we are meant to.

Perspective of Truth

 

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From where I sit writing this blog, I see over 7 billion possible perspectives of the truth of our existence. Not one person or organized group can say what the truth is, because it is always flowing and growing. There is an infinite amount of perspectives of how things work.

By letting go of any one idea our energy expands, our consciousness grows and from there the trust develops, the trust in the fantastic mystery of life. Hey we all love a good mystery right? So let’s embrace this one, who knows what’s going on here, but it can be allot of fun being in it.

I’ve been watching myself closely these days. In this watching I’ve seen things that I really didn’t know about myself before. It’s more fascinating than television or movies. There is a thought…right there I can see it, then I can see that I can choose to make that thought mine or watch it go by as if it doesn’t belong here. The recognition that I have a choice in every moment is empowering. To actually look with our real eye, our inner eye, gives us the ability to see the true essence of this life.

It’s not complicated, it’s not hard, and it’s not painful or even chaos. It’s ease, its flow, its peace and it’s love. Remember the first line I wrote….from where I sit? Why wouldn’t I see it that way if I have a choice.

Reiki & a Burning Desire

It truly is thrilling to see Reiki becoming so popular. When I first discovered it in 1991, I wondered; “Does everyone know about this? Well they should!!” It had a very powerful impact on me, my entire life changed after my level one class.
Now I have the amazing opportunity to share it with anyone who wishes to tune into this divine energy. I’ve learned so much over the years about energy and continue to do so, it never ceases to amaze me.
One of the wonderful aspects of Reiki that I like is that every practitioner you go to will do it slightly different, because Reiki is the energy we channel through us so our human filter will always be different, the possibilities are endless. It’s a perfect modality that compliments any other holistic modality; it kind of gives a power boost to anything we choose to do.
Last year I was sort of on a sabbatical, I was taking time for me. From that year I learned that I need to do that all the time. So I have incorporated ‘time for me’ into my daily life. It’s become more of a priority than ever before. What I see happening while doing this is I feel healthier, I even feel I’m getting younger.
I was passionate about Reiki before, but now it’s even more of a burning desire within me to share this wonderfilled modality.
I’d like to share this quote by Wayne Dyer from his book; Wishes Fulfilled;

I have a burning desire, an inner flame that will not be extinguished by outside forces, to know and live from higher regions, to be transformed so that my new concept of myself will not longer include any limitations. I am willing to challenge and change any thoughts that impede my having a higher vision of myself.”

For me this quote reminds me that without this ‘burning desire’ we really can’t get too far on this spiritual path or personal development path, because it’s the intention that drives the energy, it’s the frequency we are already in, that manifests the energy in the material world.

Reiki is not something we just learn in a class, it is a lifelong learning that never ever ends, it becomes who we are. When we find that burning desire we can tap into this life force energy to create our world the way we want it. That doesn’t mean we always know what it is we want per say, it means that this burning desire will bring clarity, passion, compassion, gratitude and divine love into our lives. In other words we as a human being may think we know what we want, but the expanded version of us is connected to the universal mind and IT will show us what our soul desire is when we are open to it. Reiki helps us with that, it connects us to our higher calling.

Going Within is the Answer

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Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

I’ve been feeling the pull of the energy of fear lately. It’s interesting how it manifests when I pay attention to it within myself. Sometimes it feels like it’s mine, my own thoughts, and other times I feel it’s not mine, not something I would normally be thinking about. So I watch it and feel it, then remember love. I remember who I truly am, my essence is love. So I can decide to make these fearfilled thoughts my own or I can go into my remembering of what the universe is made of: LOVE.

Collectively and individually we are powerful beings, our minds, our imaginations are how this world came to be. There are people who don’t like to hear that, because when they look out into the world they don’t like what they see.

The current system in power on this planet is not working, it hasn’t for a long time. I feel that is because people are waking up. They are waking up because the ‘universal life force system’ or the natural order of things is THE only system that works. When we push against it, we are pushing against natural law. Money is energy just like everything…..everything in the universe. Putting our attention on it as if it was real, as if it were ‘wrong’ will simply keep it going in the same direction it is going.

There are people waking up to what is real….LOVE…..there is more light on this planet than ever before. So that means that what was hiding in the dark is now illuminated and will not be able to hide anymore. So keeping our focus on the light brings more light. Choosing to be light brings more light, and allows others to see it as well. We don’t need to keep our focus on the lower human aspects of this life that created the ‘problem’, we keep our focus on the higher aspects of this human experience. We are not just physical beings, we are not just our mind/egos, we are magnificence. –awesomeness!! Let us remember this, and all the little details will fall in the direction of love. We humans have no idea what is truly in play in this universe, our small minds cannot even come close to comprehension of it. That is where awareness and faith come in. Paying attention in the direction of light and love will show us the way. Not our very limited minds.
I believe in love: seeing love in others…in life….being love….remembering in the intelligence of life….love….non-judgment.…..non-resistance for what is. That is the frequency I believe in. Love transforms anything! That is why we are here on this beautiful planet….to love it and everything on it. With love being the highest frequency; we all can do and be anything. When we allow love to be the driving force in our lives we tap into universal wisdom….not the human perception of right and wrong. When we come from love we only see love….not imperfection but perfection of the natural system that was here before us and it will be here after we are gone. Allowing love to lead the way raises our frequencies to the place that creates the change we need not the change our limited minds perceive.

There isn’t only one way….the possibilities are infinite! When we can remember that we are not separate from each other, when we stop pushing against each other and loving each other as ourselves will see true change. We are meant to do this together and to love each other as we are and love this planet as if it is part of us, because it is. Seeing what is happening ‘out there’ as separate from us, IS the problem as far as I am concerned. Looking outside of ourselves as THE problem, is the problem. Looking within and learning who we are will make the changes we are all seeking, because when we do that we learn who we are…we are one BEING! We are all in this together made of love. Remembering this truth will stop the wars, greed and the destruction of nature. I think we have to stop blaming and start going within; ALL THE ANSWERS ARE THERE.