Where is our attention?

With our attention outside of us we miss so much of this magnificent life experience. It serves us well to remember the universe doesn’t do things to us, life happens FOR us.
When we can shift our perception from; ‘why is this happening to me?’ to; ‘I am grateful for the experiences that assist in my expansion.’
Our vision changes, our internal connection remains strong in this gratitude and then we can see beyond what the eyes see’ we can see with our ‘real-eyes’. We can see, sense and therefore experience our own divine essence.

We actually can live in this world at the same time and be connected to our divinity. This is what this time on the Earth is for, to remember this, to let go of anything that doesn’t serve a highest and greatest good.
As we come back into the moment there is a letting go of sorts because in this moment there is no past, no future only divine connection.

We are expanding together, there is no one above us or below us, only beside us as ONE.

I love you. ❤️🙏😊

Life is our teacher

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In the early nineties, I spent time in an Ashram, with a teacher named Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, her Guru Swami Muktananda ‘appeared’ to me when I ‘died’ briefly in an accident in Banff, one cold winter night, before I knew who he was. It took several years until I realized his identity.

My daughter was born in 1992, and my life had changed forever. Nursing her brought me into an altered state many times, the union of two souls carried me to many places, one of them being my own childhood. The memory of sexual abuse haunted me at that point because I could not imagine how it would feel to know my child was harmed in that way. So, I became angry at my mother for ‘allowing’ it to happen, at least that is how I saw it in my mind at the time. Rage filled me towards my mother, and it felt awful, I didn’t want to feel this rage anymore.

I got a call: “hi my name is Lela, I am a friend of your friend Lori, I’m looking for a ride up to the Catskill mountains to stay at the Siddha Yoga Ashram.” Well….I had a car, my daughter was with her father, it was Christmas, so I thought I would gift myself the gift of staying at this Ashram.

The eight hour drive up was interesting, this woman was a stranger and a devotee of Gurumayi, so I was interested in the stories she had to tell. At one point she asked me: What is the reason you are going there? Without thinking I blurted: to get rid of this anger, it feels terrible.

We arrived, I was given a badge that indicated it was my first time there, so the regulars could help me learn the ins and outs of the place. Someone came to me, took my hand and started pulling me, she said: “She is coming!” I did not know who ‘she’ was for moment, so I asked; “Who?” “Gurumayi! She is coming!” I remember resisting; the woman pulling me was very excited, it scared me a little bit and also, I didn’t come to see the Guru, however, I was ‘pushed’ into the line. I looked down the line of what seemed like hundreds of people, and witnessed something I will never forget; this smallish women wearing a red robe and hat, floating through all these people, she lovingly caressed babies’ faces, she nodded at people and looked into their eyes so adoringly. Then she was about to pass me, she looked straight ahead without looking at me at all. For some reason unbeknownst to me, at the time, I got angry.

The next day, we had a gathering, there were Swami’s or ‘teachers’ there, they announced that Gurumayi would not be doing Darshan (meeting a holy person) anymore. Being my first time there, and not knowing what a ‘darshan’ was, I did not care and for some reason, I said it out loud. One of the Swami’s came over to me and asked lovingly; What was your purpose for coming here? I said “to get rid of the anger inside of me”. He then asked: What did you feel when Gurumayi walked by you? I had this look on my face like a small child that was caught sneaking another cookie and I blushed…. then proceeded to say: Anger.

It became obvious at that point that the anger surfaced so I may allow it to leave.  I meditated allot, they had a wonderful, sound proofed room, dimly lit and open 24 hours a day. There were also ceremonial fires, that I burned pieces of wood in. We could buy these small flat pieces of wood that we could write on. I wrote on it what I was releasing. Chanting twice a day also helped. The early morning Guru Gita and the evening chants were magical. Sitting amongst thousands of people, (it was Christmas time) We chanted mantras in ‘Sanskrit’, which is a sacred language of ancient India, that is no longer spoken.  The mantras were created by the rishis (wise ones) as paths to awareness, using the power of a certain sound that create specific energy responses. In Sanskrit, ‘man’ means mind and ‘tra’ means ‘to free from’, so the term ‘mantra’ is a tool to free the mind. The Guru Gita is a profound conversation between Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati on the mystical nature and role of a Guru in one’s life. It was written by the great sage, Ved Vyasa.



The drive home was electric, I felt completely relieved of this anger, my shoulders were free of the burden of this emotion that plagued me.

Was I grateful for the experience? Yes! I was also appreciative that I was able to go and spend that time in the presence of such a great person, and all the amazing people that attended. However, I also recognized my desire to grow, because I was now a Mom, I took that roll so very seriously. There was a knowing in me; I couldn’t let happen to my daughter what happened to me.

I recognized my desire to break the chain of pain from my family and be happy for my beautiful daughter. She needed to see what a well-adjusted happy person looked like, because I knew  happy people do not sexually abuse children.

All the events that went down during that time were designed to show me what I was looking for. Even the event that caused the anger in the first place.

Wait what did I just say!?

Yup! I believe everything that happened to me, brought me to that place of surrender, the experience was my teacher. Every single little thing since my arrival into this human suit was to help me grow into this awesome human that I am today.

Before I left, I purchased an eight by ten picture of Gurumayi. While I did not resonate with the act of bowing down to the Guru, while at the Ashram, there was something at the time I couldn’t pinpoint, that stirred me.

Once home, I unwrapped the picture, looked deep into her eyes, then I realized that my eyes where in the same place as her eyes, I looked again, and saw with ‘real-eyes’ we were the same, she was reflecting me and I was reflecting her. The bowing practice was not to bow to the Guru, but to realize that we were the same, I would be bowing to me, the god in me. As Muktananda said: God dwells in you as you. The next time I visited that Ashram, I was happy to get down on my knees, because now I truly understood what it meant.

Do we need a teacher?

The way I see it today: we are in a different paradigm. There was a time when a spiritual teacher was one of the best ways to gain the experience of enlightenment or self-realization. At this moment in time we as a human race have evolved. I know that does sound strange as I write this, because of the craziness going on. But take a moment, close your eyes; feel and breathe. It is a different place.

At this moment in time we don’t need an ‘outside’ individual to teach us, we are now learning to go within. When we connect to that inner wisdom, we see that WE are our own teachers and everything around us is our teacher and in everyone we meet. We have evolved to a higher space in time. When I say ‘we’ I am referring to not only the human race but to all of life…..all that is.

As Gurumayi used to say: “we can learn from a stone in our shoe”.

Being awake affords us the ability to see beyond what is in front of us, we can see from going inward, from connecting to our divinity. As we align with all of life; in a breath, our perspective changes, it opens wide and our vision comes from inside our soul. We can walk this earth as a human being and be in tune with the divine at the same time!

We are our own teachers, because when we look through the lens of the wise being that we are, we learn from each other, we see reality in a whole different way. I have had many conversations with people where I witnessed the teacher in them and the student in me, and vice versa. In every interaction we have the opportunity to learn, expand, blossom, forgive, love, display patience, to be compassionate just by being who we are; we are form and energy, honouring that, creates a whole new life in every moment.

When we listen with an open mind & heart to someone sharing their viewpoint, we can access our intuition, or we can call it inner wisdom and decide if this information resonates. If it does not, we learn that it is not for us. We are always learning, it is time we take responsibility for our own life, by seeing the choices before us, and choose.

What is your focus?

glass-ball-1746506_1920What is your focus?

There is SO much information ‘out there’, what are you listening to? Are you listening to the media, other people, or your intuition? Where are you putting your attention? These are questions I ask myself every day.

I have been using this time to go within more, to enhance my connection to life and to sharpen my intuition. Sometimes I refer to this time as the “worldwide retreat”, because even those who have not stopped working because they are essential, they too have a different ‘feel’ at this time of upheaval. Everyone is affected.

We can see it as an opportunity to grow, to expand, to replenish, to relax, to heal, to connect to our soul, to be creative and to go within. This is a time to remember our powerful essence and connect to the expansive nature of this physical life.

The world will not be the same, WE will not be the same and I see that as a really good thing. It’s like the universe said: “This is not working! Go to your room and think about what you have done!”

We have been given an amazing opportunity,

even though it may not feel like that some days.

Some of the messages I have been getting are to deepen my trust and faith in the universal mind.

Birds don’t ask: Will this branch hold me or what will happen when I fly to that branch? There is an innate intelligence in all of us. Yes, we have a human form, however we are also energy, that never ends. WE ARE INFINITE BEINGS, these are not just new age words, this is truth.

When we go within and feel, we KNOW this to be true. Many of you have felt that there was more here than meets the eye.

We must listen to our intuition, or you could also call it our innate intelligence, because we are part of the whole. The terms ONENESS & UNITY CONSCIOUSNESS have been used a lot lately, but that does not mean it’s not real. It is through meditation that we can feel the truth of that.

 Whether meditation means sitting for an hour or 5 minutes, whether it means walking in nature or creating a piece of art, being present connects us to the universal intelligence so we may feel/sense it. It’s not something to think about, to talk about, to write about…it can ONLY be experienced.

Once we make meditation a regular daily practice, we begin to understand how we think…or to put it another way, it helps us to be able to distinguish the difference between thinking, thought, and presence. It is ONLY in this moment we are totally free and connected to the energy that created us.

With meditation we can cultivate a habit of mindlessness, we can get used to the feeling of nothingness, so we may be open and receptive to the magnificence of this life experience. Only then can we sense our frequency or vibration, not to judge it, simply to become aware of it and feel it, so we may shift it if necessary and experience BEINGNESS. In this place of presence, we are all powerful creators. We can then turn this physical experience, filled with duality, into an adventure.

I have been called naive, but I prefer the term innocent, because it’s our innocent nature that remembers who we are. It doesn’t mean we don’t stand up for what we believe, it doesn’t mean we deny the state of the world….no….it means we stand in our eternal truth, while having this physical experience.



Change is in the air


Change is in the air, summer is officially over and fall is upon us, many of us are feeling big changes within as well.

How do we navigate these winds of change?

I honestly don’t know the answers for others, I do know for me, I do my best to bring my awareness to the present moment as often as I can and in doing so I am cultivating a space in which I have access to my higher self , to all that is, to my divine power.

Sounds good right?! Well, lately it’s been more challenging than usual to maintain that connection to the moment, thoughts that don’t serve seem to take over.

I remind myself that every new day I have an opportunity to change how I think, I have a new opportunity to change my perspective of who I am and who others are in my life. I can start with a clean slate; on a daily basis, when I meditate either before sleep or upon waking, I am open to the possibility for a higher frequency, therefore  I am aligned with my divine self.

There is a strong need for us to meditate, to go within, to become more mindful and aware of our thoughts and habits.  

Consistent meditation takes dedication, it takes discipline but most of all it takes a clear idea of what it is that you want out of life.

So, what is my Why in ‘Why do I meditate?’

Do I want well-being?

Is Peace of Mind what I am longing for call?

Do I want to feel free?

Do I want to see the world wake up?


Sometimes I am clear on my why’s and sometimes it gets blurred, but something I do know;

When we wake up, when we become aware of our essence, our eternal beingness, we make a difference on this life.

Awareness is KEY, not only for those around us but for the entire collective on this beautiful planet. Of course we will have feelings of sadness, when we hear what is going on around the world; destruction of nature, children separated from their families, the careless greed, but this sadness we feel is energy, everything is energy  that we can breathe through, that we can witness and allow it to flow, so it may leave; this is called surrender.


Everything is energy and energy is always moving, when we are not flowing, we are resisting.

In the ‘allowing’ space we come back to the present moment and it’s in this powerful HERE AND NOW that we make a difference. That’s not to say if we have the financial capability that we don’t use it to assist, or if we can physically do something, that we don’t do it; these inspirations come about from clarity in the moment. Our energy/frequency grows, heightens, strengthens every time we bring our awareness back to here and now. Each time we return to remembering our divinity, to this present moment; we are strengthening within us a habit of well-being, a habit of clarity, a habit of connection, and a habit of loving all that is.

There is a strong need for us to meditate, to go within, to become more mindful and aware of our thoughts and habits.

Tip on how to stay in flow;

Find statements or words that have to do with your desire, write them down and memorize them. When you find yourself dropping back into old patterns; take a deep breath and remind yourself.

E.g. let’s say a thought of ill health arises, you can repeat, I love my body,

I am healthy and vibrant. We can rewrite the unconscious program. Remember

It took time to get to the place you’re in, and it will take time to reprogram the mind.

We are in this together! Know that you are not alone, and you are deeply loved.

A Channeled Message of Love



I am a conscious channel, who feels my mission is to assist in the emergence of light that is available to us all, that is within us all, that we are all a part of. I open up my awareness to the field of LOVE and I translate what I see, hear & feel to best of my ability.

The following is one of the transmissions: 


We are here with you, some of you may not feel our presence, but please know that your presence will open the door to this connection. Spending more time than you do now in the present moment, will open up the view, so to speak.

Paying attention to your thoughts and identifying the thoughts that are not serving and those that are, helps bring you into the present moment.

What is the present moment? Simply put, it is the connection to the life force that drives this universe. It is possible to enter into the present for longer periods of time. These periods of time will strengthen your connection to the divinity within you, to the life force, that is this universe.

So, some tips from us will be as such; make certain tasks in your daily life, the tasks that you will be aware of the divine, being present. For instance; brushing your teeth, having a bowel movement, showering, dressing, cleaning; these moments are perfect for participating in this vital practice.

Essentially, we are in the present moment and we are here to help you through the next phase of your life, anyone who reads this…it is meant for you.

Now; your human experience gives you pain, joy, laughter, peace, stress, sadness and so on….all of it and we mean all of it,  has a purpose. Know that this IS what the human experience is about. It will not always be joyfilled, no matter who you are or who you believe someone else is or how you believe you must be.

Being human is for these experiences. Now humans tend to always look toward a different experience, which takes them out of the moment, and there is suffering. Suffering truly is not necessary. You will have pain, you will have sadness, you will have grief, but suffering is an option.

All these experiences that are not joyfilled, are because you do not dance in the moment. In the moment, you can feel joy while in pain, yes, ….yes it’s true, that divine connection that is so readily available to you will allow you to see or feel the essence of who you are, in this essence there is no suffering. Because the knowledge that joy is always within, is there.

Joy for being human can be something that will help you through the ‘troubled’ times. Truly. It is that simple.  And complicated, all of you are aware of the changes on this planet and this universe.

You will get through this, you will thrive, if it is something you want and something you are willing to experience anything for.

You are loved and supported in always.”



Self-Exploration & Surrender


person on a bridge near a lake

I had a conversation with a friend, who told me that she has learned to surrender in her life. I thought ‘what a gift’ to be able to trust in life so fully that you can ‘end your sureness’ of what you believe you know, because there is a knowing within that tells you it’s all part of the perfection of life.

Our sureness to me is an ego-based belief that we ‘know’ what is going on, and usually we turn on ourselves. The ego is part of our human experience, it is not who we are, it was born with this body and will leave with this body. It is part of the human experience that is designed to keep us safe, like the ‘fight or flight’ response in animals. A deer can be chased by a wolf and the deer will run for safety, but once the threat is gone they then go back to grazing and the experience is forgotten.

A human being, on the other hand, can create this ‘fight or flight’ response with a thought! We can be so caught up in the thoughts in our minds, repeating the same thoughts over and over again, that it becomes part of our body, so when we have a memory that we entertain, our body’s sympathetic nervous system sends out impulses to glands and smooth muscles and tells the adrenal medulla to release adrenaline and noradrenaline into the bloodstream. These “stress hormones” cause several changes in the body, including an increase in heart rate and blood pressure – all with a ‘thought’.


This is proof to me that our unconscious minds are very powerful!

I see the mind as a tool, we can use it for our life experience, or we can let it take over. Meditation has taught me that I can utilize my mind better when I ‘put it away’ sometimes and give it a break.

These days we have so much to distract us, we have been taught to engage with our thoughts, and that only the mind can heal the mind. But what if that is not true? What if we can not only change our thoughts, but make sure that the undesirable ones don’t affect us, or don’t even surface anymore? What if self-exploration can change the way we look at the world?

Once there is a ‘thought’ that we can change our thoughts, we can. It starts with a decision to be happier, to want something better to occupy our mind or a desire for peace.


What is Surrender?

From my perspective it’s ending our belief that we are alone (separation), that life is random. I do not believe that there is any randomness in this Universe, none at all. Most of my life has been about exploring this very thing. In my sessions I have had the ‘sensation’ that everything IS connected, absolutely everything!

It’s a ‘knowing’.

What does that mean?

If we decide to see that everything has a purpose, a reason for being, then we are beginning to ‘see’ what we haven’t noticed before. When we are willing to go within, and witness/learn who we are – physically, mentally and energetically – a whole new world will be opened to us.

We know that we have 4 seasons in this country. We see the sun rise and set, the moon rises and sets every single day. We can count on it, we can count on change, movement or let’s call it what it is – energy!

What’s doing this? I know this is the age-old question, however, did you consider that if everything is moving, does that mean it’s growing? Does that mean that life is constantly expanding?


Let’s call it Universal Intelligence; are we part of this Universal Intelligence? Yes!

So why not surrender to it? Why not let it take care of us like it has since the beginning of time?

This is Surrender to me, letting life be as it is and I move with it, trust it, and allow my mind to do what it will, but my focus is on the flow (most of the time). There is an ebb and flow, and a trust in this process will bring a sense of peace into our lives.


This is a big subject and I would like to explore it more; can you help me by asking questions that come up for you?

Q & A

Question:  How do we begin the process of “going within”? If you let your mind just “do what it will”, how do you keep the ego from taking control? 

Answer: Going Within and the Ego.

We humans are so very distracted by ‘outside’ circumstances.  There is a lot going on in this world. When our view is always outside, we are then unaware of our inner world, or our connection to life itself. The process of going within begins with cultivating a burning desire to know your true self.

Our bodies are constantly moving, working to keep us alive, but how often do you acknowledge that? I would suggest starting there, start connecting to your physical body. With closed eyes, and breathing deeply, staying present to your body, your breath…..’watching’ it. Your mind will want to interrupt this process, so I suggest you watch the thoughts as if they are not yours. I often hear;” I can’t meditate”, “I can’t quiet my mind”, “it’s too hard”. If that is the case, then you don’t want it bad enough, this is where your burning desire to know truth comes in.  Remind yourself that you want to grow, remind yourself that how your life is right now is not working, so what have you got to lose? Nothing, you will only gain experience and a knowing you didn’t have before. It may not be easy, for most people it’s not. Anyone that we admire, who we see as successful, worked at it, whatever it is.  

Meditation is an amazing tool to help us discover the inner world, however it takes practice and persistence.  Like anything you want to succeed with, you have to DO IT.  Sit on a regular basis, watching your thoughts.  Set a timer, and don’t get up until the time is over.  I suggest starting at 15 minutes and going from there.  With this consistent practice, you will begin to see a shift as your body relaxes quicker and your mind is not as busy.  I also suggest “tuning in” 9 times a day, every hour.  Stop what you’re doing and breathe deeply, then carry on.  You are programming your body by doing this, getting your body used to the present instead of the past and future.


sunrise Betty3

I decided to pull a card today from ‘Return of Spirit’ Cards by: Cheryl Lee Harnish

You are one of the loving spirits who has come to be in service to humanity this life time.  This strong desire and need to give to your fellow man is embedded deep within your soul’s blueprint you play an important role in this cosmic plan. This card has come to you today as spirit’s way of giving you a much-needed reminder that you hold a great worth and value.

You can not longer question whether you are worthy or if you have value in this world.

We all look to our physical world for confirmation.  We question whether we are good enough, wanted and needed. We want the world to tell us that we are doing well and that it wants what we have to offer. But your value and worth cannot come from anyone or anything outside of you.

Just as you are, right now in this moment you are enough. Is time for you to begin to understand your own worth and value.

Spirit is asking that you start now, to understand just how important you are.

Ask yourself: How much would you value someone who was as kind to you as you to others? If you met a person whose inner heart was as caring and loving as yours, would you value them in your life? If someone gave to you as you give to others, would you value it?

Of course, you would.

You need to see yourself-see just how valuable you really are. Your worth does not come from what you do or how you behave. Your worth comes from the fact that you are part of the God-Source. Once you fully realize this you will play an invaluable role in helping others to discover their own worth too.

This subject has come up allot lately in my ‘contemplation’ time. Do I have feelings of unworthiness?

With this question swirling around, I observe others, and listen to what they find important to talk about. There is allot of ‘unworthiness’ in this culture. Although I have also observed many movies, blogs, talks and books, about this very subject. That is something to be grateful for, this means it’s coming to the surface for all who are ready to see the truth of who they are.

For me personally, I’ve noticed in my 58 years of being a human at this time, I have had many, many periods of being conscious of my low self esteem. I’ve also noticed that when I look back for a bit to see how far I have come; I can see where this unworthiness comes from.

Gratitude fills my being when I remember how far I have come, and that I continue grow and will continue to grow. There is also a sense of relief when I bring to my awareness that this is all for me. Life doesn’t happen to me, it happens for me to grow, because that was the initial plan before I came here. So, how can I regret or feel anger, shame or low self esteem, when it’s all part of the divine plan.  I am part of this amazing universe, I am the creator of my life, and so far, I feel like I’m doing well.

Imagine feeling consciously aligned with life-force energy all the time? Can it be done? Well I aim to find out, I believe that it can, there are many beings on this planet that have achieved that.

I feel that the first step towards regular conscious alignment is to make our vibration a priority. If we always decide to feel good, to reach for a better feeling thought we will train our mind to a different way of being.

When we have the intention to pay attention to how we feel, then the law of attraction will meet the ‘good feeling’ more and more. It will say: ok, you want to feel good all the time, here are somethings to feel good about, here are some more. Feeling good is our innate state of being, just look at babies, they laugh, they are curious, they express themselves completely. Why would be born that way if we weren’t meant to be that way? I’m reminding myself that Life is the way it is, period. The human mind wants to ‘make it better’ however, life is perfect…. absolutely perfect as it is. If you don’t’ see it that way then it won’t be that way. I so adore the simplistic version of truth because it feels good.   So, if I make a priority to always feel good then I must shift my perspective so I can see other options of being.

When I feel good most of the time, and I remember the simply truth about this life; To Feel GO(O)D, I don’t have feelings of unworthiness, that doesn’t mean I don’t have those thoughts, they still come, but now I don’t believe them.


Death, Life & Attachment

Edy fav pic

Early this morning, (July 16th 9:35 am) my ex common-law husband, father of my son, left his body. For those that loved him, there was a feeling of relief because he was in so much pain for so long. There also was a deep sense of gratitude for me because spending some time with him near the end showed me that any resentment I may have had was washed away, not only for me but for him as well. Through hugs, kisses, hand holding and laughter anything that wasn’t love; left us, it was palpable.

As I sit here and write about what I am feeling, it’s an interesting sensation to know that I will never see him with my eyes again, I will never hug him again or hear his voice. There are tears running down my face and I realize the attachment this human experience can have to other people. I loved it when Edy and I hugged, he used to do this ‘humming’ thing that had an amazing love energy to it.

Another interesting phenomenon, is that I can’t bring up any anger that I used to have or I can’t remember anything he did that caused me pain. I know stuff happened but just like after giving birth, I can’t remember the pain only divine love.

Dying; as I’m told, is simply a transition for the soul leaving, their time here is complete and they move on. However, it’s not mentioned enough, the transition those that loved them go through.

The lessons I have learned since his diagnosis and the months following are huge, I’m still assimilating it all.

I’m so grateful for Edward. Not just for our beautiful son, but for all the wisdom he imparted. Edward had a huge heart and wanted to see the population wake up to their divinity. It wasn’t always done in a soft loving way, because Edy would feel what others were feeling and mirrored back their ‘stuff’, which made Edy the brunt of allot of anger, however it was sometimes enlightening for those who wanted to see the truth.

Edward loved his children very much, he wanted more for his kids than he ever received in his life and it was his mission to impart everything he learned in life onto his children. I’m happy to say he did just that. His kids are amazing people, and I am thrilled to know them and be part of their lives.

Some of the things I learned from Edy were things like, children are bright from the moment they are born, therefore speak to them as such. I also learned that our words are energy too, and the mind is extremely powerful. So, I never told Raj (my son) “don’t fall” I told him to ‘be mindful’. Edy taught me to see the kids as people, not children. My son and I have a very close relationship because I relate to him as a person, on his own path and he is intelligent and capable to make his own decisions and equally capable to learn from his mistakes.

Thank-you Edy for pursuing me back in 2001, I am thrilled we loved each other and created an magnificent person together.

With deep gratitude, I remember that death is not an ending, it’s a beginning for all involved. Edy will definitely be missed and he will be remembered with much love & laughter.







backlit clouds dawn dusk
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I just got home from a 2 ½ hour coffee meeting with my friend Laurel. I walked away feeling very inspired, I didn’t know my batteries were low until our connection powered them up again.

Laurel posed an interesting question to me; why is self-love such a big subject, we came into this world loving ourselves, what happened?

This question lingered within me, on my walk home a possible answer to that question came up;

Because we are a lazy society!

As I thought about it, I realized that we have always had authority figures telling us what to do, and when we don’t do as they say we are reprimanded and told we are not good enough. Over centuries of this we have become complacent, as a whole. Of course, there are many individuals who have gone against societal norms, but in general we have become sheep.

The truth is, we are awesome!! We as a population on this planet have amazing powerful abilities. The way to tap into them may seem like work to us, because of the ‘lazy’ factor. But essentially, if we decide that we want to tap into our awesomeness, we must do some ‘work’. Of course, if we truly have a strong desire, it’s not really work at all. Loving ourselves is an absolute must to make a difference.

Be the LOVE you want to see in this world.

For example: When I spend time with people who love themselves, who are comfortable in their own skin, I feel it and my being interprets that as a reflection of me. I walk away feeling good about myself, because I was in the energy of ‘feeling good’. If I am around someone who doesn’t like themselves or feels badly in that moment and I am not present to how I am feeling, I may walk away feeling badly about myself.

The work is:  stop letting our minds take over and boss us around, just as authority figures have done. To make a difference we must begin to pay attention to what’s going on inside of us. Looking within is the only place we will find answers, the only place we will find peace of mind and love. We will not find self worth outside of ourselves, no one or no thing can guide us to the truth of who we really are. When we seek outside of ourselves for love its temporary, it’s finite. When we look inside of ourselves that is where we tap into infinity.

Our souls always remember the eternalness of our existence.

Do you know what you think about most of the time? Are you aware that there are thoughts that are repeated constantly, like a ferris wheel going around and around until we have pain or strong emotion?

It’s time to take the wheel of our car and start to steer ourselves. We do that by learning about ourselves, by going within. Some call it; contemplation and mindfulness. Paying attention to what we think without judgement, observe the patterns, again without judgement. By doing this we begin to see why we have created the life that we have. We begin to see that our thoughts are from old beliefs that just are not true.

Bringing ourselves into this moment, the place of our true essence can reveal to us what has been controlling us all this time. We can take the wheel and decide what we want to think, we can decide to tap into our awesomeness which is our innate divinity.

Like Laurel said: we were born loving ourselves. I will take it further and say we were born pure love!

This is not to say that we are wrong or bad because we forgot that, we just lost our way and at this crazy challenging time we are being literally forced to remember that! Which is very exciting to me. There are now authority figures in this world that are showing us very plainly that we have been sheep and that authority figures are no longer the boss of us. We are seeing people act like absolute idiots to reflect to us our inner idiotic side. At the same time, we have authority figures that are reflecting the loving, reverent, respectful side of us. Yes, we do need the contrast to wake us up. Are we paying attention?

The change starts from within.

I propose we embrace our laziness, love it like it’s our inner child and say: I love you, thank-you, it’s time to expand, it’s time I become the boss of me. I want to shine like a star, twinkling brightly on whoever looks upon me.

Let’s be mindful of our thoughts, we can take time to BE with our inner beings, and hey sometimes that does mean sitting on the couch and watching a movie, but the difference is, we can  do it consciously, we do it because we love ourselves, not because we feel overwhelmed by the world and want to escape. When we feel love for ourselves, we don’t want to escape and we naturally emanate love.

When we love, our inner being we naturally expand our Sacred Vibration.

Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things.  Meaning lies in us.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Two Weeks with Dad


After 22 years, I was finally able to spend time with my father in my favorite place to live, Vancouver. It was necessary for me to raise my children in Ontario. But my longing for Vancouver and my father never left me.

I lived in Vancouver from age 26 to 33 with my father living close by. We spent lots of time together and apart. But for me, having him close was amazing. My time living in Vancouver was the most challenging time and the most exciting. No matter what occurred I went for a walk to the ocean and everything shifted, almost instantly. There is something about the mountains and the ocean that feels like home to me. Energetically the city is different, it’s not something I can fully explain, but it is real for me, after 22 years it was still the same.

Spending every day for two weeks with Burt was an enlightening experience. To be in the presence of someone who loved me unconditionally, who gave me his full attention, appreciation and was completely present and fully open with me, this was a very new experience for me.

I see now as I look back after 2 weeks of being home, I see that being in his presence, full presence was like being my highest self all the time. The comfort I felt to be myself was so refreshing, I can see that I haven’t given myself permission to be myself all the time. Yes, it was easy with Burt, to be me, to see my beautiful and amazing refection in his eyes, but now it’s time for me to remember the feeling of ‘me’ and be it no matter what is happening ‘out-side’ of me. He didn’t ‘do’ anything, he was simply being and it was that beingness that allowed me to BE as well. As I write I find there are no words really.

In this moment, I imagine the feelings I felt in his presence, I felt excitement, peace, joy, love, stillness, clarity and most of all LOVE. As I look at the words to describe my feelings, they in essence are all LOVE.  But if I said “my father made me feel loved” the response from most people would say; of course, he is your father, he loves you. But no, it’s so much more than that.

I spend time with a Guru in the late 80’s, her name is Gurumayi Chidvilasanda, she used to say; It’s easy here at the Ashram, now go out into the world and be it out there…I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. The feeling I got from Gurumayi, wasn’t always pleasant, because whatever I was feeling was amplified, if I was angry, I couldn’t hold it in like I used to think I could do, if I was sad, same thing and so on. Her presence, her alignment with the creator/life force/source/god, created a force so powerful that one could not escape it. That’s the way I felt with Burt. On the outside, he was just Burt, but the feeling that swirled around and through me was, were ineffable. All I can say to this is I felt ‘allowed’ to be me and I love that me in his presence.

One of the many things I learned is that being present, or aligning with spirit/higher self/source/great mystery/god is an expanded state, our natural state. So, when we are ‘there’ we are everywhere and with everyone. We don’t judge ourselves, or others. We love ourselves fully and love other’s too. We see god in everything. Swami Muktananda, Gurumayi’s Guru, said; ‘God dwells in you as you’.  When I see that statement again, I see that  it truly says it all. We as humans on this planet for the most part, feel that ‘god’ is this grand thing, beyond our grasp, when in actuality, we are God/Life Force/Source. The intelligence of life, the flow of nature and the universe; we are part of it all.

This human experience is simply that, the experience we came to have. I have written about this before and most likely will write about it again and again. Because as I grow into this knowing more and more, I feel more excited to share it!

When I was very young my father came home to an empty apartment, no wife, no kids and no stuff. All his life at the time was gone, my mother left him. As you can imagine it was devastating for him. But knowing this today, I can see that if she had not left him, he would not be the amazing man he is today. He has helped so many people all over the world and he dedicates his life to doing just that. Because as he discovers more about the truth, he feels compelled to share it.

After my mother left my father he was later told to stay away. As a young girl, I was very confused and so, so sad. A new ‘father’ came into my life and he took my virginity away at the age of 9. While this was happening, I had my first spiritual experience, I left my body and danced with God. I was completely removed from the situation while it was happening. I knew that this wasn’t right, but somehow I also knew, it was just an experience. I know that sounds weird, but when I go back to that time I feel the truth in that. Why did this happen to a little girl? Why is not a question I want to ask here. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to be in my head at all. When I go in my heart, I realize that who I am today is a summation of all my experiences, this intelligent universe and my soul created whatever it took for me to become me today. So, would I change anything? NO!! I have learned over the years that I really don’t know anything; my limited mind could never fathom the incredible magnificence of this life.

At 17 years of age I left home, and began the journey of self discovery, with my beautiful mother’s blessing. She somehow knew that is what I needed. She told me when I was young that I was a free spirit and I took that to heart. A few years later I met my father again. What an amazing experience. I discovered we are so alike, passions,  body and mannerisms. He opened a whole new world to me. Yoga, meditation, A Course In Miracles, healthy eating, the power of the mind and so much more. After a few years, I discovered that in the early 80’s there wasn’t much out there as far as spirituality goes, so I felt a bit lost. As the free spirit that I was I explored other parts of life; sex, drugs and rock & roll. When the universe thought that that was enough, or my soul decided it was enough, I had a serious car accident, there were 5 people in the car, the car flipped over in Banff on black ice. I was the only one hurt badly, both my scapulae were fractured and my lung punctured. I remember that as I sit in the snow after climbing out of the car the pain was so intense and I couldn’t breathe at first. Then I could and there was no more pain.  I realized now that I died. I don’t know for how long, but I remember the feeling. After all these years I am only talking about this lately because now I have a point of reference. The feeling I felt was God. Quiet like I have never ‘heard’ before. I was aware at first of the sounds around me, but they seemed so far away, even though it was all around me. Then all sound disappeared, as I type this I am feeling it again, how do I describe a feeling of bliss? A feeling I can call upon anytime I want. When I meditate I am there again. When I remember it, I am there again. No body, no pain, no suffering, no sadness, no fear, no nothing…..but stillness, peace and I guess I can describe it as LOVE, which is my favorite word for God. Then a face appeared of a man who had dark skin, he spoke to me. He told me I was dying, and that I had a decision to make, he didn’t tell me what to do, he just reminded me I had a choice.

After that experience my whole life changed. I met a woman who became a dear friend and she introduced me to Gurumayi Chidvilasanda and chanting. As I learned more about this Guru, I learned her Guru was Swami Muktanada, as I looked at his face in a photograph, I realized I knew him already, he was the man who came to me when I died.

Back on the spiritual path I went. Did I ever leave? I don’t think so, I believe that absolutely every experience is given to us so we may fulfill our destiny. What is my destiny? Heck, I don’t know. I just know when I write or talk about what I am learning, I feel fulfilled. Is that my destiny? I don’t need to put labels on anything, well that is what I am learning. I do still judge, but I am okay with that, I love that about my humanness, and somehow that acceptance of myself shifts the judgement.

Seven years after my car accident I met the man who would be my husband and father of my first child. He lived in Ontario, my mother and sister too. So, I moved back to Ontario, leaving my beloved father  and my cherished city.

Our two weeks together has helped me grow so much, and made our bond stronger than ever. We made videos to share with others the things we talked about, things we have learned along the way and that we would love for others to explore themselves.

I do sometimes, have that longing I had when I was a kid, to have my Daddy back. But now I can talk to that longing and say, “I am exactly where I am supposed to be, because if I wasn’t meant to be here, I wouldn’t be. The human mind will try to justify and bring me back to that sad longing, but it isn’t sad for me any more. It’s uplifting and inspirational. It’s heart expanding and an amazing reminder that we are not apart, our spirit will always be connected.